


Unbound

by pootje



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Internalized Homophobia, Love Confessions, M/M, i havent actually watched the show in 8 years but this fic haunted me i am sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-04
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 01:07:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 855
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27875826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pootje/pseuds/pootje
Summary: Dean opened his mouth, and his heart reached up and coiled itself around his tongue, barbs sinking in and smothering all the things he would like Cas to do.  All his life, he had been told the kind of man he should be.  Somehow, even now after all these years, those hooks were still in him, barbs strangling the desperate joy he had first felt seeing Cas again, dragging him away from the door Castiel held open for him.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 25





	Unbound

**Author's Note:**

> i stopped watching spn in 2012 and i was never rly super into it but i was trying to sleep off a migraine and i kept getting random lines from this scene in my head so i had to write it down and hopefully now i can sleep 
> 
> i cant believe this is the first fic im publishing in 5 years enjoy i guess

Cas was here.

After facing the prospect of never seeing the face in front of him again what felt like a thousand times, Dean had still never gotten used to the idea of life without Cas. Even with the finality that his surrender to the Empty had held, part of him had never really grasped the idea that it was real. He still found himself expecting the angel to pop up in all his usual places, like nothing had ever changed.

But the fantastical part of his mind that expected Cas to return from the Empty wasn’t quite powerful enough to dull the profound shock of actually seeing him. Just… standing there, like he had never been gone, every inch the same from tousled hair to trenchcoat. 

“Hello, Dean.” The familiar words were all it took to finally break Dean from the shock that had frozen him, and he took a nervous step towards the angel, and then another, laughing in breathless disbelief.

“Cas, what - what happened?! How the hell did you get out of there?” The words left his mouth before they had even filtered through his brain, Dean’s eyes stuck on Cas’s face, a face he never felt like he had appreciated enough before now. A face… a face that last time he had seen it…

“Jack.” Cas said simply, and it took Dean a moment to even remember what his own question had been. Of course. Of course it had been Jack. “He asked me to help him fix Heaven, but… I wanted to come see you first.”

First. “So you’re… leaving again?” Even Dean could hear the note of desperation in his voice, but there was nothing he could do about it. “Already?!” He wanted to move closer to Cas, to… touch his shoulder, to hug him, to… do _something_ , but the foot or so of air between them felt strangely impenetrable, a new wall in Dean’s mind firmly erected by-

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, Dean.” Cas said, cutting through everything Dean was struggling to process in the matter-of-fact way that was so achingly familiar. “I don’t apologise for my feelings, and I don’t regret telling you how I feel. But I understand that you don’t feel the same way, so it seemed appropriate to… give you some space.”

Dean choked back a small laugh at that, shaking his head. “Give me some - I never asked for space, Cas! I’ve wanted you back since the second you left, wanted -” Dean cut himself off, throat clenching instinctively at the thoughts that flashed through his mind. “...Cas, you’re… you’re family. You can’t just _go_.”

Castiel paused, regarding Dean for a long, thoughtful moment, while Dean wrestled with the thoughts that had almost slipped off his tongue. It felt… innate, like something he had always known about himself, but never expected to speak out loud. His heart beat, his veins pumped blood, and he-

Knowing something innately and choosing to think it consciously were two very different things though, and although the possibility had crossed his mind before, circumstances were very different now. Now Cas had opened a door, one Dean had never expected to see open, and for the first time in his life choosing to walk through that door was a real possibility. A far, far _too_ real possibility.

“I can… stay, then. If that’s what you would prefer.” Cas was clearly choosing his words very carefully, eyes piercing directly through Dean in that familiar way that always felt just a little _too_ intimate. He had gotten used to it over the years, but now, wrestling with some of the most private thoughts he had considered in his life, it was all too much. “What would you like me to do, Dean?”

Dean opened his mouth, and his heart reached up and coiled itself around his tongue, barbs sinking in and smothering all the things he would like Cas to do. All his life, he had been told the kind of man he should be. Somehow, even now after all these years, those hooks were still in him, barbs strangling the desperate joy he had first felt seeing Cas again, dragging him away from the door Castiel held open for him.

But one look in the angel’s eyes, and Dean knew he couldn’t be that man anymore. How could he even call himself a man, cowering from the expectations of people he couldn’t _really_ give a rat’s ass about, when Castiel had so bravely flung that door open even knowing he would likely be stood on his own side of the door for the rest of time? It was _stupid_. It was _childish_. 

So Dean stepped forward, breaching the air that had felt so solid between them moments ago. There had never _been_ a wall, only the illusion of one built by decades of fear, and Dean felt _free_.

“I’d like you to kiss me, Cas.” The words came out without a thought, tongue unbound for the first time in his life, and when Dean leaned in and pressed his lips to the angel’s, it felt like coming home.


End file.
